The Case of the Smiling Asshole

I'm starting to realize that people think I'm an asshole. And it makes me smile.

Now, I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression here. It's not my intention to make people believe that I'm some jackass because, really, I don't think I am. I simply smile because all of my life, I've worked so hard trying to make people like me.
As I've mentioned all along, I'm a people pleaser. I like to make people smile, laugh and nod their head at me in jubilant adoration.

And trust me...it's a lot of work to keep that up.

As I've gotten older, however, I've started getting used to the notion that some people, no matter what I do, are just not going to like me. It's taken me a long time to get that, to come to terms with that.

What can I say? Things I do, things I say just rub some people the wrong way. And I'll admit, I do suffer from chronic Foot in Mouth Syndrome.

Case in point: I nearly got lynched when I told this one group of people (okay, a few of my more easily incensed friends and co-workers) that I hate walk-a-thons. What is the point of a walk-a-thon??? Why do we have to walk to raise money? I mean, don't get me wrong, I think fund raisers and charities are extremely important. I absolutely admire people who cut their hair for cancer patients. I think Jerry Lewis is a saint (albeit a Jewish saint) for keeping his muscular dystrophy telethon going for so long (and it bugs me when people shit on it by making light of such a good cause). Hell, I believe that anyone who participates in and donates any of their hard-earned cash to any sort of charity is downright heroic and commands a great deal of my respect.

But wouldn't it be quicker and far more efficient if we just gave the scientists, or whomever is is charge of looking for the cure, our money, rather than just...walking?! I mean, here's my money! You can have it! I want to help!! I just don't want to walk!! What's the problem?!

I don't get it.

Anyway, people just don't get this particular viewpoint. In fact, for reasons I'm still not quite sure of, most people think I'm this self-centered dickhead for taking that stance and their sparkling opinion will never change.

I have this friend. His name is Joe. He is, quite possibly, the most rude, crass prick I've ever known. One out of every two people I introduce him to thinks he's, well, Satan's spawn. But ya know what? I think he's awesome. Why? Because he knows he's all of the above and he just doesn't care. He is who he is. He says what he wants to say and you can love him or you can hate him, but you will not control him or censor him. He's true to himself and he could give two shits if you're offended by what he says or if you like him.

I respect that. I admire that. I don't always agree with what he says and I think he can be a total--what was the word?--ass hat, but there's something invigorating about standing next to someone who doesn't live, die or lose sleep based on what other people think of him. It does my soul good knowing there are people out there like that. Let me just say this, though: I will never, ever be that person. I care too much. I do. I'll admit it.

It's funny. I remember how I use to tell people that my biggest goal was to get through each day without getting hurt or hurting someone else. Upon reflection, that's the biggest crock o' shit I've probably ever cooked up. I mean, seriously...who says that?!?! Besides, as a goal, it pretty unrealistic, not to mention ridiculous.

It's a huge world and, in it, we--all five billion of us and counting--are all connected at various degrees (just ask Kevin Bacon). At the same time, though, each individual is different. So, the way I see it, with so many different personalities, there is no possible way one can walk through a 24-hour block without hurting anyone or getting hurt in some way, shape or form. It's impossible.

And yes, it's pointless to constantly sweat over whether people like you or not.

Try and try as I might to be a funny, charming, altogether good person, there are people out there that will always hate my guts and, yes, even wish me bodily harm. And that's okay. It's not something I take pride in or that I'm ecstatic about, but at the same time, I'm learning that the only thing that I can do is work on being the best Hal possible without losing whatever it is that makes me, well, me.

That, and being willing to accept in equal measures whatever hatred is shed upon me as well as good will and love...both with open arms.

And, yes, a smile.