Bed, Back and Beyond...

I freakin' love my queen bed. I do. It is seriously one of the greatest things, like, ever.

Okay. I know what y'all are thinking: you're 26!! You should have deep-sixed that fucking twin bed when you turned 21 (wait, wait, wait!! You're telling me that alcohol makes people want to have sex?! Really?!) or, at the very least, when you moved out of your parents'!!!

Well, that's probably true, but that didn't happen. So, there's, like, no use in, ya know, dwelling (who...me?!).

So, I gotta say, the bed has pretty much changed my whole life, at this point--and NOT because I have to write out a sizable check to my parents every month for the next, oh, several months. No, it's...I dunno. It's just a different feeling, I guess.

The bed is just so damn comfy!! I get home and the first thing I do is just curl up into a fetal position on my bed. Now, don't go worrying your pretty little heads that I'm depressed or some shit like that. No, I like curling into a ball because, well, I've never really been able to do that on my twin. In fact, there are a lot of things I was never able to do on the twin (shaddup, pervs!!). I may as well have been sleeping on a friggin' graham cracker, as fragile and tiny as it was. And just to slightly amp up the insane factor on my part, occasionally--not always, but occasionally--I kind of like to just roll around on my new bed, just to revel in the fact that, yep, it's a bigger bed!!

I tell ya, people: simple pleasures!! They're what it's all about!!

Another nice thing about the new bed is that I can have a drink while I'm sitting. Before, due to the way the bed was positioned, I'd have to extend my arm, like, really super far!! That's a lot of work, ya know?!?! Now, because my bed is closer to my nightstand/desk, thank goodness, those days of reaching for the impossible drink are behind me!! Being a lush has never been so easy!!

Ah, yes, a life of luxury I live!!

Not only that, but now my fears of having future back problems have been alleviated as I now no longer have to hunch over my lap top on my bed. Instead, I can drape my tubby form across my bed and type to my little heart's content without worrying about my spinal column jamming it's way up into my skull and/or twisting about, poking its way into my rectal area. Alway an added bonus, if you ask me.

So, yeah, having a new bed is nice. That's really, um, all I had to say. I just kind of wanted to brag for a little while. Hey, who says I can't be shallow?!

Besides, sometimes, profundity can be so overrated!!