Wednesday, February 27, 2008

My Top 10 List of 2007--Accept No Substitutes

1.) Zodiac

2.) Juno

3.) Atonement

4.) There Will Be Blood

5.) Superbad

6.) No Country for Old Men

7.) The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

8.) The Savages

9.) Gone Baby Gone

10.) Before the Devil Knows You're Dead


There's the old saying, "they sure don't make 'em like they used to!" I'd say the above list puts that saying to the test. Guess which one fails said test.

Go. See. Watch. Enjoy.

Thank me later.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Past Dated

So, I was bummed out and depressed, this last Friday, because it marked the one-year anniversary of Liz, The Girl, breaking up with me in that "pansy-ass" (her words, not mine) e-mail she sent me on Feb. 22 of 2007.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I am over it, totally and completely.

But still, I was just really having a hard time wrapping my brain around that fact and I just felt like total shit.

And then someone gave me something really profound to chew on.

See, I was bitching and moaning to my friend Kevin about it. I was saying stuff to the tune of, "Oh, this day is so hard for me and I really don't think I should be alone and blah, blah, blah."

To which he replied, "Jesus, Hal! Get the fuck over it! You're actually doing really great, right now!! You're so handsome and perfect in every way (actually, that last sentence he never said, but I'm pretty sure he was totally thinking it--like, tip-of-the-tongue thinking it)!! Are you bummed out because you're genuinely upset that it's been a year since she broke up with you or are you sad and upset because you feel like you should be upset about it?"

And ya know? He was so fucking correct in this assessment. I am doing great. I've been doing just fine. I have a great family and wonderful, amazing friends and a lovely pussy (sorry...I never can resist. Don't even try to stop me.) The truth is, it was just another day. I looked at the calendar and thought to myself, "'s been a year. I guess I should mourn or sit Shiva (the Jewish process of mourning the dead for all you gentiles reading this) or something."

A perfect example of this is being single on Valentine's Day. It's a regular day, but you look at the calendar and think to yourself, "Shit. It's V-day and I'm single!" I mean, let's face it: You were single the day before Valentine's Day and you were just fine and, unless you have a Meet Cute with the Boy and/or Girl of Your Dreams on the actual day of St. Valentine's, you're probably going to be single mañana, too. So, why such a hoopla over one day?

I mean, really--why do we do this to ourselves??? Why do we constantly have to pick days and put them aside to make ourselves miserable? I mean, life is so fucking short and it's tough enough as it is making it from one day to the next without giving ourselves one more thing to be borderline suicidal about.

I'm learning that the best way to live is taking things day by day and try not to think about the past or the future.

It's not easy.

Much easier is letting the past trip you up, rip you apart and dictate where your future is headed. But the thing I'm continuing to learn is that the past--a good jumping-off point and a fabulous learning tool though it may be--is simply a state of mind and it should never, ever be a state of being.

In other words, ya gotta either take it or leave it.

I recommend the latter.

Alone In the Dark

Lately, I find myself, more often than not, going to movies by myself.

And ya know, I dig it. I really do.

I mean, to a lot of people, that's like the epitome of lameness. For many , the idea of shuttling oneself to the local cinema and hunkering down alone in a dark movie theater auditorium is not just depressing beyond words, but the ultimate white flag when it comes to being single.

But then, when have I ever given the impression that I would ever (want to) be included in the groups known as "A Lot of People" or "For many..."

The truth is, movies have always been my way of escaping the cold, harsh brutalities of Real Life. They are my raison d'être. They're sort of like my Cheers--minus the fat, no-it-all, middle-aged mailmen getting in my face.

Lately, on late Monday nights, I head over to AMC or the cheap theater next to my apartment and watch a movie. The key to making the experience enjoyable (at least at the former theater, since all they play are first-run movies anyway) is to pick a movie that's been around for a while, therefore, allowing you to have, for the most part, an empty theater. I tend to like sitting in the back; that way, the auditorium can act as your own fortress of solitude. I mean, sure, there may be a few other moviegoers in the audience, but at least you know they're not going to bother you, especially when you're that far back.

Truth be known, as I am the main film geek in my group of friends, I'm usually the one who picks what movies we to see. So often, I see movies with my peers and the whole I time I think to myself, I wonder what they think of the movie. When I go to see movies by myself, I don't having to worry about what my neighbor thinks. The whole solo film experience allows me to enjoy the movie on my own terms.

Besides, I love being able to get as emotional (read: cry like the tubby little bitch that I am) as I want during a movie without being the recipient of Jack Therapy (ACHEM!!) or gleefully laugh out loud during a part that may or may not call for laughter and not worry about people thinking I'm a weirdo (which, let's face it, isn't exactly miles away from the truth, now is it?)

So, with that, I implore you, give it a shot sometime. I know it sounds like this totally depressing thing, but it's really relaxing.

Tonight, I went and saw "Atonement." It was the perfect romantic epic, certainly one of the *best movies of 2007. I highly recommend watching it with someone you love.

I sure did.

Yeah, I said it!!

I have a new list and I am working on posting an update version of it for y'all!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Most. Disturbing. Entry. Ever.

Never in a gazillion years did I never think I'd say this, but I speak the truth when I say the following:

I have The World's Horniest Pussy.

Then again, some of you may have already seen it coming. Who knows?

That being said, I think it's finally about time I get Miss Lillie's tubes tied. Poor girl's been rubbing up against corners and hard surfaces more than her old man!!

And that's realllllllllllllllllly saying something!!