Game Over?

When is it time to call it quits in a friendship?

I've been doing a lot of thinking, for the last few days, about this very topic--and a very specific friend. The thing is, there are times when I truly enjoy her company and I adore her son, my nephew. But the truth is, as much as I love her, I'm starting to wonder whether or not I really like her anymore. Isn't it amazing how something as simple as time can fool us into believing that a person is a better friend than they really are?

I can't think of too many times in the last few months where she said something that didn't hurt me or make me want to pull my hair out of frustration--and, as I'm realizing, I'm coming up a few short on those, lately. It's the same old story: There's that person in your life who repeatedly insists that they love you, they adore you and by just saying so, it somehow gives them the right to be a complete shit toward you whenever they deem it necessary.

I feel that I'm constantly giving more than I get out of this friendship. And it's not just me. She's demanding, she's constantly belittling me and her other friends. She makes up stories about them, She makes them feel stupid if they don't go her way (picture the worst passenger-seat driver you've ever had the displeasure of traveling with and times it by...well, just pick a really big number and you still won't come close). Long story short? She's mean!! And she constantly hurts the feelings of those she loves; those that stick by her, through thick and thin, even when she makes all the stupid, reckless, boneheaded decisions that she consistently makes in her life; even when she treats them like they're less than. Honestly, I have never met anyone who talked such absolute shit to and about their supposed friends. And the most hilarious part of it all is that she wonders why she hardly has any!! What chutzpah!!!

It's like, what the hell do you bring to my life? I mean, really? What the fuck makes you worth all of the headaches and the clenched fists and good ol' aggravation I experience whenever I'm in your orbit? And, ya know, the sad part is that I always forgive you. I do. Like an idiot, a fucking clown, I come crawling back to you, every time, when it's so abundantly clear that it should be the other way around. Why do I do that?!?! Do I really put that little value on my own self-worth?

What's so frustrating about the whole situation is that we continually engage ourselves in this twisted, emotionally-exhausting, nerve-shredding game we like to refer to as our "friendship." I just don't think I can play it anymore. Not unless you make a few dramatic changes in terms of how you treat those that, for some reason, love you. In the meantime, though, I just don't think you're good for me. I'm tired of getting hurt. Fuck you for that.

And fuck me, too, for playing along for so long.