Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Look No Further...

On December 31, 2008, my life changed.

That was the night I met someone that I am truly crazy about, someone that I am now proud and elated to call my girlfriend. Her name is Mandy...and I adore her. We've been talking since the beginning of September and, yeah, she's amazing.

But I wasn't so sure I wanted to take the plunge, at first.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a relationship with her.

For one thing, she's all the way in Minnesota. And as many of you know, for the longest time, I had totally planned on moving there, but things have changed and I think I'm gonna be staying in Omaha indefinitely. It's so weird. All this time, I've been trying to escape O-Town, but--it's taken me a long time to realize this--this place? This is my home. I don't want to leave my friends, my family. I love them way too much. It's no longer because of fear that I'm staying...or money for that matter. I'm staying because I want to stay. I'm staying on my own terms. And that feels good. I like being in control of my own destiny.

The other reason--and, let's face it, the biggest one--is that I've been burned. I've been hurt by a few different girls; heartbroken. Devastated, really. I was scared that I'd get hurt again. And one night, we were lying together, and she just told me that she's in this 200% if I am. She also told me that she shouldn't have to convince me to want to be with her. I either do or I don't.

Turns out, I did. And I'm mad about her.

No, it's not this perfect thing where we agree on everything. I don't even know if I'd even want something like that. In fact, sometimes, we have little disagreements, debates, or what-have-you. I like that. I like that we can be completely upfront with one another about what we think about something. I appreciate the way she challenges me.

But that's not to say that there isn't romance and smiles and kisses and all of that sappy stuff. We're crazy about each other. And we tell each other that all the time. We miss each other when we're not "together" (read: on the phone or online). We make each other laugh and, yes, sometimes sing. It's wonderful and I truly feel blessed.

I won't lie, though, I still have my insecurities, my doubts, my fears. The events of the past--recent and not-so-recent--have made it so that my "Spidey sense" is always tingling. It's like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, constantly waiting for all of this amazing happiness and warmth I've been feeling lately to be taken away from me. Again.

But then--thank you, once again, Zoloft!! How I love thee? Let me count the ways!--I begin to breathe again. I lay my head on my pillow and I smile to myself. Yes, I rest easy knowing that, as we've both come out and admitted to one another, we're falling for each other.

That, and the best has yet to come...