Egg Hunt

Ya know what? Hey, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen...I'm no worse for wear. It was fun, I had a good time, we had some really nice conversations, but fuck--it only lasted for a week.

Thoughts like that serve as my own emotional auto-defense mechanism. Even though I don't believe a word of what I'm telling myself.

So, today, I'd pretty much given up with no plans to call her again. I was chatting with my dad and he's like, "If it were me, I'd try one more time tonight. Just to be sure. It's your call, though."

So, I did and she answered.

"Well, I'm pretty busy, the next couple of weeks...pretty booked up. It's not you. I'm just really busy."

Ya know, just for once, I'd really like a gal to just be like, "Ya know, it's not me...it really is you. Yeah, you're just really fucking annoying, you're a horrible driver with an even worse sense of direction. You've got nose hairs (Blogger's Note: okay...I embellished a little there...I think) that don't quit and, um, frankly, you come across like some degenerate mongoloid. So, yeah, it's totally not me...it's you."

Okay...so, maybe nothing that harsh, but wouldn't it be so cool if people actually were honest with you. At least then, you could take something away from it, you could--GASP!!--learn something.

I'm gonna just come out and say it. It's been on my mind for the last few days so, here it goes: I fucking hate dating. I do. There is nothing more wretched and awful as going out on a date. In fact, here's a selection I have on my J-Date profile regarding the perfect first date:

Anything with quiet, non-threatening conversation. The truth of the matter? I kinda hate the whole "First Date" thing. I mean, if you think about it, Jerry Seinfeld is right: Dates are essentially glorified job interviews ("what are your interests, goals?" "what kinds of services can you provide?") Same awkwardness and tension, but with the dwindling prospect of sex at the end. I know, I know...totally cynical, but totally true. At the end, you're like "Did I get it? How'd I do?!"

And the thing is, everyone gets rejected. It's a fact of life. Ya gotta kiss a few frogs (For the record, The Girl wasn't, by any means, a frog. Quite the opposite actually) to find your prince or, in my case, princess. Everyone knows that. Lately, though, I find myself wondering if maybe I should just keep my lips sealed.

And then I think to myself, who am I kidding?! People who say that you will only find love when you stop looking for it are full of shit. No matter where they are or what they're doing, single people are always looking. It's only human nature to want what we don't have--especially when other people have it.

Not only that, but I have to--HAVE TO!!--believe that this rejection, pain, frustration isn't all for naught; that there's some bigger plan, whether it's a plan to make me a stronger person or just a plan as simple as me finding The One that I'm meant to be with, spend the rest of my days with.

But is it a plan worth sticking to and, really, why would anyone want to?

Normally, I have some sort of witty aside to end each entry, but I think I'm going to answer the above question by stealing a quote from the mother of all relationship movies. Five gold stars to the first person who can name the film it comes from.

"I...I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I...I, I thought of that old joke, ya know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; ya know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd, and...but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us...need the eggs."