American Idol?

Look, call me Nature Boy, but I just want to love and be loved, alright?

There's this girl out there. I'll call her Lina, who thinks I'm the absolute shit. We've known each other for years and the thing is, she's got this crazy misconception that I am like this perfect, brilliant, hot young stud.

And, ya know, while I'm not one to turn down such flattery (thank you, thank you thank you!!!!!!), I'm far from the Perfect Man she thinks I am. The truth is, as many of you have come to realize by reading this here blog, I've got a lot o' shit going on in this ol' noggin mine. I'm a pretty flawed individual with a lot of issues: self-involved, addictive personality, potty-humored, potty-mouthed, paranoid, germaphobic, low self-esteem. Throw on top of that that I'm attracted to girls and boys...you've got yourself quite a handful to deal with.

But I try.

And I've tried to change a lot about myself, over the years, but the thing I've learned most is that I am who I am and I gotta be who I wanna be...not what someone else wants me to be or who they think I should be. I recently told a buddy that, when it comes to his new special lady friend, he should just be himself and the rest will work out on its own.

I don't think a lot of people get that. They really don't.

They are constantly re-inventing themselves or putting on airs or pimping their rides or homes or whatever is popular to pimp, these days. It really makes me sad. Just a few months ago, I recall a friend being turned down by a girl--and made fun of--because she thought he was gay, despite his protests. Well, ya know what, lady? The person you fall in love with, the perfect man? He's probably going to be nothing like you pictured him as. Same goes for you, fellas.

I understand: a person what a person wants. And yeah, I do believe there's someone out there for everyone, but people are so hellbent on finding that person, that perfect sculpture that they've chiseled away at for so long in their minds, that they don't see a good thing when they have one or they find what they're looking for and they realize, wow...what was I thinking?

It makes me angry when Lina talks to me as if I'm her great white hope. I'm not. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I'm no saint and I am certainly not perfect or, at least, the American Idol she apparently thinks me to be. I do, however, think the world of her and enjoy it when we just gets down to the level, so that we can just talk and enjoy each other's company. Just two people being who they are, rather than who they should be, who they never will be.

See, the thing is...I don't want to be worshiped or idolized.

I want to be loved.

I truly think people mistake the two for each other far too easily and far too often.