Retrospective and Hindsight

It was brought to my attention that the words in my last blog post, which I have since removed out of respect to a certain grieving family's wishes, were cruel and deeply hurtful.

I would like to take this time to apologize for any pain and suffering I caused that family. It was certainly not my intention to do so. Despite what they--and their friend who contacted me--might believe, that is not what this blog is--or ever will be--about.

In the blog, I had mentioned the fact that a girl from my high school, who recently passed away due to cancer had not been very nice to me. The words I used, I recall, may have been overly harsh.

However, I also took the time to address the fact that I was unaware that she had been so sick during high school and, knowing from personal experience--myself having been paralyzed from the head down when I was seven and, eventually, overcoming such unbeatable odds--that illness can sometimes bring out the worst in people. My point was--and maybe I just wasn't as clear and/or as sensitive as I should have been when dealing with such raw and emotional topics--that I wish I had known that she was sick, because maybe I might have cut her some slack. I might have been more understanding and I probably would have tried to befriend her, because I know what it's like to be looked at differently, to be made fun of, to want to be and feel "normal."

But again, that's not how it came out from my end.

I received an anonymous post from the girl's mother who said she wasn't sure how she came across my blog. Well, I imagine that she Googled her daughter's name. I tried it myself and found the blog in question. But I also found tons of other stuff, wonderful stuff about their daughter and it leads me to question what I know about this girl who, from everything I've read about her over the course of the last couple of weeks, was just a lovely and absolutely beautiful soul. Obviously, from the turnout of 500 people at her memorial service, she was beloved by more people than I'll probably ever know.

I wish I had met that person in high school. That, I truly regret, because she sounded like a really, really cool young woman. In this case, I'll chalk it up to being my loss.

And as I mentioned before, perhaps the things I wrote were indeed harsh, but the truth of the matter is, there's always going to be one great, big asshole out there (in this case, myself) who will have something to bitch about a person, even if there are a million other people who have thousands of amazing things to say about the same person. To which I ask, in general, can't there be room for both positive and negative opinions? Surely, mine can't be any less valid. Just because I have something negative to say while 500 other people have positive things to say, it doesn't mean that anyone is more right or wrong than the other. After all, it's a matter of perspective.

Regardless, I took down the blog.

And I did so because I want the family of this girl to know that I am not a bad person and that I know when to raise a white flag and admit when I've done a bad thing, intentional or not. And, yeah, while it was my opinion, it was inappropriate of me to have used such a beloved individual's name--at the very least, so closely to the time of grieving for her family and loved ones. While I'm not usually one to ask for forgiveness, I hope that me taking down the post takes away a little of the pain that I caused for those who loved Megan.

I wish I had known her better.

G-d bless.

They Sure Are Friendly Around Here!!!

This weekend, I survived an attack by a man with a dirty, used vibrator and lived to tell the tale!!!!!!

Am I a badass or what?!?!

AND...

In other news, guess which lucky boy gets the award for conceiving The World's Greatest Bumper Sticker!!!

Waiting For A Want

Elton John said it best: I want love...just a different kind.

And it's true. I do want love. I'm just not sure I'm ready to settle for the next best thing.

In truth, I don't want to settle at all...for anything.

I always get a little exasperated when I hear my friends call their significant others "dick" or "asshole" or "dumb ass" or worse. It always boggles my mind when I see boyfriends and girlfriends constantly fight and break up and get back together again, as if their lives depended on it.

Maybe it's my inexperience, but I've always been of the belief that, while it's perfectly natural to argue from time to time and that every relationship has its ebbs and flows, partners should have a sort of mutual respect for one another and hold true to the belief that they're in this thing together.

Maybe it's just the way I was raised. My parents rarely fought or even argued. My dad is the ying to my mom's yang. He's the cool, calm, collected one and my mom is the emotional heart. It's pretty rare, these days, when you see two couples always smiling, holding hands, cuddling, wanting to be with one another, but somehow, my parents got it. I could honestly say they have the Perfect Marriage.

I never understand how people can stay in relationships if they're so unhappy. I mean, I guess I understand that when you break up, it sort of feels like you've wasted your time with nothing to show for it other than hurt feelings and tears shed, but I mean, it's such a big world out there. There's bound to be someone out there who you're going to be happier with and who is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Why stick with someone you can't stand, someone who treats you like shit?

I know I don't want that.

My cousin Greer, bless her heart, once told me that she wanted someone to love her more than she loves them. And to a degree, I hear that and I see what she's saying. I mean, who doesn't want that kind of security? Who doesn't want to be showered with love and adoration.

The problem with this theory is simple: That's not a significant other...that's a pet.

Honestly, what I'm looking for is something quite simple: I want to love and be loved in equal measures. That's it. I want the two of us to co-exist in our own universe of wants and needs and desires and happiness and dreams fulfilled.

Too sappy? Fine.

Long story short: I want to be someone's everything and absolutely, positively no one's "asshole."

Dancing Queen

"I'm here to dance, not pick up the ladies."
--Evan "The Aviator" Drinkall

I'm not a great dancer.

Anyone can (and will...if you ask) tell you that. However, what I lack in "da skills" department, I think most people would agree that I make up for with "da enthusiasm."

So, I always find myself fairly bemused when I'm dancing all by myself--just the way I like it, thank you very much!!--on the dance floor and these beautiful women will come up to me and start grinding their pelvises in my face (or lower, which, ya know, in that case, go ME!!) as if they think they're doing me this grand favor by dancing with me.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm flattered that they've singled me out (well, kinda-sorta) Sometimes, I just wanna say, "back away, ladies!! This boy's his own dance partner!! Now, off ya go!! Daddy's gotta dance to the beat of the the rhythm of the night!!"

Other times, I'm just completely, utterly annoyed, because there's always going to be that group of snotty bitches that look at me as I dance on a platform, look at each other and giggle and whisper. And then they have that look on their faces. You know, the why is he up there? look

To this, I have one and only one response...

Why not?

Gimme that night fever, night fever.

I know how to show it.