I'm kind of surprised that I never wrote about this, but I never ended up going to Israel.
I gave a lot of reasons, some true, some false.
But my biggest reason, one that I've never really shared with a lot of people, is this: My kitty, Lillie, was sick. And sick cats cost money.
Yes, I know, the trip was free. But incidentals and gifts and souvenirs and all kinds of other things can really add up in costs! At the time, my mom was telling me that I should bring $600 with me! And there was a time when that amount wouldn't have been a problem (read: when I didn't have, ya know, rent and bills to pay and I still lived at the parental units' humble abode), but that time was not then.
So, getting back to Lillie. She was sneezing a lot, coughing, her breathing was a little mucusy. And being the selfish person that I am, I almost considered getting rid of her. After all, I had a trip to go on!! I couldn't afford a sick cat on top of it!!
And then, one night, I looked her in the eye. She was so tiny. She looked so sad and pathetic. She gave me this look like, why aren't you taking care of me? It was then that I knew that she no longer belonged to me. It was the other way around. As gross and sappy and positively weird (yes, I've officially become one of those obnoxious pet lovers that I hate) as this sounds, as much as she's my little girl, I'm her daddy.
I withdrew from the trip a day or so later and took her to the vet.
I am so overprotective of her. To a fault, almost. I finally just started turning the lights off in my apartment when I leave. Yes, I've always known that cats are nocturnal and can see just fine in the dark, but still...it's the dark!! It's so lonely!! Another example of my Protective Papa Syndrome is that even if the toilet seat is down, I make sure the bathroom door is closed, just as one extra precaution so that she doesn't drink the bleach water from the toilet bowl.
Yeah, it gets pretty bad. My friends think I'm completely nuts. Sadly enough, they may not be (completely) wrong.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this is because, well, my little girl is growing up.
* sigh *
When I first got her, she was so tiny (five months old, my ASS!! lol!! Love you, Court) that I actually had to get her a bunny collar to fit around her neck. Nearly a year later, this last Saturday, I finally had to go the store and pick up a cat collar because she's gotten so big!! I came home and Erik and I cut off her little bunny collar. It's going to go somewhere safe like my little jewelery box [BLOGGER'S NOTE: Alright, alright! Knock it off with the gay jokes. I don't actually keep jewelery in the jewelery box. Just mementos and keepsakes, mostly!! So, like, fuck off!!]
Not only that but, also as of Saturday, I switched her from Purina One's "Healthy Kitten Formula" to the "Adult Cat Healthy Weight Formula."
As the great Bob Dylan once said, the times they are a-changin'.
I can't believe what a prick I was with her, those first few months. I can't believe I was going to give her up. It breaks my heart. The idea that I was so close to getting rid of one of the brightest lights of my life breaks my heart.
It's so funny how, when I first got her, I hated her jumping on everything and just getting into my shit. Now, I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. The idea of coming home to an empty apartment without her greeting me at the door and trying to crawl up my leg or sitting up on the chair and giving me one of her giant Lillie yawns, after several hours of sleep...it puts shivers down my spine. In a year full of chaos (a lot of it caused by Miss Lillie herself), she's been my one true thing, the most stable thing in my life.
What a difference a year makes.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
"Viva" La Coldplay
There's nothing quite as exhilarating as when one of your favorite bands, after a ho-hum previous effort, not only returns to form, but bounces back with a vengeance, exceeding your expectations as well as changing everything you thought you knew the band was capable of.
This is exactly what Coldplay has done with their latest masterpiece, Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends.
Come on! Let's get it out! Go ahead and say it: You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay.
Yes, much to the chagrin of male fans of the aforementioned British alternative rock band, Judd Apatow's modern comic classic, "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," made it unsafe for once-secure heterosexual men everywhere to freely admit their undying love for Coldplay.
In fact, I was at IHOP (home of Mr. "I don't do stupid!"), a week or two back, when I asked Glen if he liked Coldplay. His response: "I don't admit it publicly, but I think they're alright."
What gives?! Why the backlash?!
When their debut album, "Parachutes"--their first masterpiece, in my opinion--crossed the pond over to the states in 2000, hit singles such as the soulful, rock ballad "Yellow" and the contemplative "Trouble" helped put their names on a list of Bands to Watch For. Still, some critics dubbed the band as a Radiohead wannabe.
Two years later, their second masterpiece, A Rush of Blood to the Head, was released. With songs such as the hard-charging "G-d Put a Smile Upon Your Face," the mournful love ballad, "The Scientist," the luscious piano crescendo of "Clocks," the overlooked favorite for many (well, you know who you are), "Green Eyes," and one of the most haunting love ballads of all time, "Warning Signs," the album was a recipe for success. And a success it was. It became a giant hit, making astronomical sales and garnering universal critical acclaim, making lead singer Chris Martin and company household names and catapulting the band to super stardom.
In 2005, the inevitable backlash began upon the release of their third studio album, X&Y. While I think critics were unreasonably hard on the band's newest effort, I do think the album is certainly their weakest. I think it's because the band was trying way too hard to make these U2-ish (The Greatest Band in the World) arena rock anthems The band has always fared better by keeping things intimate, with their hearts on their sleeves. Sure, there were some bright spots, such as the lovely, emotionally-stirring "Fix You," the powerful, persuasive "A Message," and "'Til Kingdom Come" (originally written by the band for Johnny Cash, who died before recording sessions occurred). Yet, the band seemed far more intent on trying to be all things to all people than it was on trying to make well-written, catchy songs. The album sold well, but received mixed reviews.
I'll admit that I was over Coldplay for a year or so following X&Y. I thought the band had gotten too big for it's britches. A band like U2 can get away with such arrogance and pompousness, because they've been around for over 32 years, releasing more than 11 albums. Coldplay, as a band, is still young. It's one thing to aspire to be like a band you admire, but to start to believe you are that band or that you can be that band is entirely another. Coldplay began its journey with intimate, quiet songs about love, loss, and redemption and the more popular they got, the more they seemed to abandon those roots. U2 made the same mistake during the latter part of the '90s with Pop (not the band's best, but it still has some great moments). It happens.
However, as a band, Coldplay needed to read the writing on the walls that people were beginning to dismiss them as a whiny, self-indulgent band, well on it's way to achieving self-parody.
It is with great joy that I can tell you for their latest album, they saw the warning signs. Viva La VIda may very well be one of the best CD's I've ever listened to. Period.
The disc begins with "Life In Technicolor," a track that will surprise most fans for its lack of lyrics. It opens up the album with a rush of energy that seems to sustain it for all its 10 tracks.
The albums third track, "Lost!" is an absolutely perfect inspirational pop rock ballad that just makes the soul soar with it's pipe organ and clapping, not to mention Chris Martin's seemingly newfound vocal confidence. The man's famous, much-chided falsetto appears only briefly on the disc. Is it better for it? I don't know. I never had a problem with his trademark vocal stylings, but I do think its nice to see an artist stretch a bit.
The absolutely rich and gorgeous "Lovers in Japan," with its building, fast-paced tempo, will strike some people as sounding a lot like U2's "Where The Streets Have No Name," and they wouldn't be incorrect in making such an assessment. The album was co-produced by longtime U2 collaborator, the brilliant Brian Eno. This track is a real treat. It has so much energy to it. I love driving to it. Don't ask why. Anything that helps me get to work on time, I guess, right?
"Yes!" is a track that just grabs you and never lets you go. It's a twisty one, too, as it starts as a melancholy break-up rock song about loneliness, occasionally incorporating Arabic music, until finally morphing it's way toward a trippy, high-speed finale.
The title track has gained quite a lot of popularity, as well as airtime on TV as it was used for iTunes latest advertising campaign. With its classical sound, it's a grand, sweeping track, very reminiscent of Annie Lennox's 1992 "Walking On Broken Glass." The song's energy is absolutely infectious!
The most lovely song on the album is its simplest one, "Strawberry Swing." It kind of begins with a twangy country/bluegrass arrangement but eventually makes great use of African drums. The song is about savoring and not wasting the precious moments with a lover, because they may not always be around. It's a philosophy I've always subscribed to: Every moment counts. It's truly one of the band's best songs ever; an instant Coldplay classic.
I have listened to "Vida" non-stop for the last two weeks and each time I listen to it, it only gets better. I can't tell you how happy I am to have the band that made me believe that it was okay to keep your heart firmly planted on your sleeve back in top form.
So, yeah, a hearty welcome back goes to my favorite boys from Manchester. Coldplay rocks!!
Yes, you heard me: I LOVE COLDPLAY!!!
If that makes me gay, well, then really...who wants to be straight anyway, right?
This is exactly what Coldplay has done with their latest masterpiece, Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends.
Come on! Let's get it out! Go ahead and say it: You Know How I Know You're Gay? You Like Coldplay.
Yes, much to the chagrin of male fans of the aforementioned British alternative rock band, Judd Apatow's modern comic classic, "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," made it unsafe for once-secure heterosexual men everywhere to freely admit their undying love for Coldplay.
In fact, I was at IHOP (home of Mr. "I don't do stupid!"), a week or two back, when I asked Glen if he liked Coldplay. His response: "I don't admit it publicly, but I think they're alright."
What gives?! Why the backlash?!
When their debut album, "Parachutes"--their first masterpiece, in my opinion--crossed the pond over to the states in 2000, hit singles such as the soulful, rock ballad "Yellow" and the contemplative "Trouble" helped put their names on a list of Bands to Watch For. Still, some critics dubbed the band as a Radiohead wannabe.
Two years later, their second masterpiece, A Rush of Blood to the Head, was released. With songs such as the hard-charging "G-d Put a Smile Upon Your Face," the mournful love ballad, "The Scientist," the luscious piano crescendo of "Clocks," the overlooked favorite for many (well, you know who you are), "Green Eyes," and one of the most haunting love ballads of all time, "Warning Signs," the album was a recipe for success. And a success it was. It became a giant hit, making astronomical sales and garnering universal critical acclaim, making lead singer Chris Martin and company household names and catapulting the band to super stardom.
In 2005, the inevitable backlash began upon the release of their third studio album, X&Y. While I think critics were unreasonably hard on the band's newest effort, I do think the album is certainly their weakest. I think it's because the band was trying way too hard to make these U2-ish (The Greatest Band in the World) arena rock anthems The band has always fared better by keeping things intimate, with their hearts on their sleeves. Sure, there were some bright spots, such as the lovely, emotionally-stirring "Fix You," the powerful, persuasive "A Message," and "'Til Kingdom Come" (originally written by the band for Johnny Cash, who died before recording sessions occurred). Yet, the band seemed far more intent on trying to be all things to all people than it was on trying to make well-written, catchy songs. The album sold well, but received mixed reviews.
I'll admit that I was over Coldplay for a year or so following X&Y. I thought the band had gotten too big for it's britches. A band like U2 can get away with such arrogance and pompousness, because they've been around for over 32 years, releasing more than 11 albums. Coldplay, as a band, is still young. It's one thing to aspire to be like a band you admire, but to start to believe you are that band or that you can be that band is entirely another. Coldplay began its journey with intimate, quiet songs about love, loss, and redemption and the more popular they got, the more they seemed to abandon those roots. U2 made the same mistake during the latter part of the '90s with Pop (not the band's best, but it still has some great moments). It happens.
However, as a band, Coldplay needed to read the writing on the walls that people were beginning to dismiss them as a whiny, self-indulgent band, well on it's way to achieving self-parody.
It is with great joy that I can tell you for their latest album, they saw the warning signs. Viva La VIda may very well be one of the best CD's I've ever listened to. Period.
The disc begins with "Life In Technicolor," a track that will surprise most fans for its lack of lyrics. It opens up the album with a rush of energy that seems to sustain it for all its 10 tracks.
The albums third track, "Lost!" is an absolutely perfect inspirational pop rock ballad that just makes the soul soar with it's pipe organ and clapping, not to mention Chris Martin's seemingly newfound vocal confidence. The man's famous, much-chided falsetto appears only briefly on the disc. Is it better for it? I don't know. I never had a problem with his trademark vocal stylings, but I do think its nice to see an artist stretch a bit.
The absolutely rich and gorgeous "Lovers in Japan," with its building, fast-paced tempo, will strike some people as sounding a lot like U2's "Where The Streets Have No Name," and they wouldn't be incorrect in making such an assessment. The album was co-produced by longtime U2 collaborator, the brilliant Brian Eno. This track is a real treat. It has so much energy to it. I love driving to it. Don't ask why. Anything that helps me get to work on time, I guess, right?
"Yes!" is a track that just grabs you and never lets you go. It's a twisty one, too, as it starts as a melancholy break-up rock song about loneliness, occasionally incorporating Arabic music, until finally morphing it's way toward a trippy, high-speed finale.
The title track has gained quite a lot of popularity, as well as airtime on TV as it was used for iTunes latest advertising campaign. With its classical sound, it's a grand, sweeping track, very reminiscent of Annie Lennox's 1992 "Walking On Broken Glass." The song's energy is absolutely infectious!
The most lovely song on the album is its simplest one, "Strawberry Swing." It kind of begins with a twangy country/bluegrass arrangement but eventually makes great use of African drums. The song is about savoring and not wasting the precious moments with a lover, because they may not always be around. It's a philosophy I've always subscribed to: Every moment counts. It's truly one of the band's best songs ever; an instant Coldplay classic.
I have listened to "Vida" non-stop for the last two weeks and each time I listen to it, it only gets better. I can't tell you how happy I am to have the band that made me believe that it was okay to keep your heart firmly planted on your sleeve back in top form.
So, yeah, a hearty welcome back goes to my favorite boys from Manchester. Coldplay rocks!!
Yes, you heard me: I LOVE COLDPLAY!!!
If that makes me gay, well, then really...who wants to be straight anyway, right?
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
At It Again!!!!
Well, those cantankerous, easily excitable Jefferson-ish motherfuckers downstairs are at it again!!
Ya know what?!
If I win the fucking lottery, I will make it my personal quest to send each and every one of you to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Will that work for you?!?! Great!!
In the meantime, shhhhhhh!!!
Ya know what?!
If I win the fucking lottery, I will make it my personal quest to send each and every one of you to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Will that work for you?!?! Great!!
In the meantime, shhhhhhh!!!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Sigur Rózzzzzzzzzzz
My, my...how things change.
Back, during my formative years, I used to hate live performances, complaining that the songs sounded "different" or "not as good" as they were on the original albums.
Tonight, er, last night, I went and saw one of my favorite bands, Sigur Rós, play live at the Orpheum. For those of you not familiar to Sigur Rós, they are an Icelandic band that infuses very powerful, electronic and classical sounds in their music. Their music is very chill and--yes, I totally cribbed this word from the boys and girls at Wikipedia--ethereal.
It's that rare band that knows how to make music that grabs your soul and shakes it all about. Just absolutely gorgeous music. I actually keep their music on to help me sleep. It's very relaxing.
So, I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised when I found myself falling asleep during their live performance. But shocked I was. And a little disappointed. It wasn't that their music was bad. Not at all. It was just as beautiful and crystalline as it's always been. And it was all the more impressive watching it being performed live.
So, why the snoozefest?
Well, see the reasons above. It was more of the same; identical, actually. To the last note. Look, if I'm shelling out bucco bucks, I want a little bang. Not to sound like a complete brat, but if I want to hear the songs exactly as I know them, I can just pop in the CD and listen to it. I want random guitar interludes, improvisation and audience patter.
Speaking of the latter, I went and saw the concert with my brother in arms, Erik, and I completely agree with his take on why the concert was lacking. He whispered, ever so softly in my ear (lol!!!), " ya know, for a band that's all about having a big stage production, they have absolutely no stage presence."
I concur, sir.
Say what you will about U2 (Best Band on Earth) and Coldplay (you know how I know you're gay...?), but they know how to play with the audience. I've seen both of those two bands live and there was a real give and take between band and audience, a dynamic. And there was nothing like that present, this evening. They barely even talked. They just jumped from one song to the next.
How very meh of them.
But that's not to say I didn't enjoy the music itself. It was breathtaking, no denying that. I was actually moved to tears at a few points. There music has and always will be lovely and pure. Hell, the music alone was almost worth the price of admission.
Almost.
Back, during my formative years, I used to hate live performances, complaining that the songs sounded "different" or "not as good" as they were on the original albums.
Tonight, er, last night, I went and saw one of my favorite bands, Sigur Rós, play live at the Orpheum. For those of you not familiar to Sigur Rós, they are an Icelandic band that infuses very powerful, electronic and classical sounds in their music. Their music is very chill and--yes, I totally cribbed this word from the boys and girls at Wikipedia--ethereal.
It's that rare band that knows how to make music that grabs your soul and shakes it all about. Just absolutely gorgeous music. I actually keep their music on to help me sleep. It's very relaxing.
So, I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't have been so surprised when I found myself falling asleep during their live performance. But shocked I was. And a little disappointed. It wasn't that their music was bad. Not at all. It was just as beautiful and crystalline as it's always been. And it was all the more impressive watching it being performed live.
So, why the snoozefest?
Well, see the reasons above. It was more of the same; identical, actually. To the last note. Look, if I'm shelling out bucco bucks, I want a little bang. Not to sound like a complete brat, but if I want to hear the songs exactly as I know them, I can just pop in the CD and listen to it. I want random guitar interludes, improvisation and audience patter.
Speaking of the latter, I went and saw the concert with my brother in arms, Erik, and I completely agree with his take on why the concert was lacking. He whispered, ever so softly in my ear (lol!!!), " ya know, for a band that's all about having a big stage production, they have absolutely no stage presence."
I concur, sir.
Say what you will about U2 (Best Band on Earth) and Coldplay (you know how I know you're gay...?), but they know how to play with the audience. I've seen both of those two bands live and there was a real give and take between band and audience, a dynamic. And there was nothing like that present, this evening. They barely even talked. They just jumped from one song to the next.
How very meh of them.
But that's not to say I didn't enjoy the music itself. It was breathtaking, no denying that. I was actually moved to tears at a few points. There music has and always will be lovely and pure. Hell, the music alone was almost worth the price of admission.
Almost.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
The Mascot
I've always sort of seen myself as the team mascot for all of my friends.
When I think of a mascot, I always picture sort of a goofy caricature that no one really takes seriously, but nevertheless remains the glue that keeps people coming back and rooting for their group, staying loyal.
Well, I've always thought of myself as that guy. In fact, up until very recently, I believed my status was relegated to simply being The Hairy Jewish Guy (Go BRUCE!!!!). And while the latter part is true--I am Jewish and nearly as hairy as an Ewok--I realized in the last day that I was, well, I was something more than that.
Last night, when I told my closest friends that there's a possibility I might be moving across the country, next February, I got a reaction that I never really expected to get: Sadness.
I mean, I'm not tooting my own horn. I don't think anyone is really going to be devastated or anything by my departure, but still...Wow! The reaction I got when I told some of them that I might be leaving? Well, I was really quite touched. Until last night, I never really knew that I had such an impact on my friends' lives here. I kind of always thought I was just someone who came in, made people smile and laugh and that was the end of it; and, as a result, I got the white "FRIEND" label slapped on my breast pocket.
I didn't realize I was so...loved. Maybe that says more about me as a person than it does about my friends. I've always kind of had this well, I don't really take myself very seriously, so why should anyone else? mentality. I use sarcasm and self-deprecation as a defense mechanism. It's not much of a secret. The irony of it all is that one of my biggest fears is that people will never take me seriously--as a man and as a person. What can I say? I'm my own worst enemy.
In the last few months--hell, all my life! My dad travels a lot!--I've really learned a valuable lesson about love and distance. And it's this: Just because something or someone you love isn't in front of you all the time, it doesn't mean there's any less love, it doesn't make it any less real. It just makes it all that more powerful. It makes it more concentrated, because you realize just how much the someone or something means to you and what they meant to you when they were there to begin with.
I love my friends--every single one of them. I always have. I just never really knew how much they loved me back.
Even for a neurotic cynic like myself, that's a really, really nice surprise.
When I think of a mascot, I always picture sort of a goofy caricature that no one really takes seriously, but nevertheless remains the glue that keeps people coming back and rooting for their group, staying loyal.
Well, I've always thought of myself as that guy. In fact, up until very recently, I believed my status was relegated to simply being The Hairy Jewish Guy (Go BRUCE!!!!). And while the latter part is true--I am Jewish and nearly as hairy as an Ewok--I realized in the last day that I was, well, I was something more than that.
Last night, when I told my closest friends that there's a possibility I might be moving across the country, next February, I got a reaction that I never really expected to get: Sadness.
I mean, I'm not tooting my own horn. I don't think anyone is really going to be devastated or anything by my departure, but still...Wow! The reaction I got when I told some of them that I might be leaving? Well, I was really quite touched. Until last night, I never really knew that I had such an impact on my friends' lives here. I kind of always thought I was just someone who came in, made people smile and laugh and that was the end of it; and, as a result, I got the white "FRIEND" label slapped on my breast pocket.
I didn't realize I was so...loved. Maybe that says more about me as a person than it does about my friends. I've always kind of had this well, I don't really take myself very seriously, so why should anyone else? mentality. I use sarcasm and self-deprecation as a defense mechanism. It's not much of a secret. The irony of it all is that one of my biggest fears is that people will never take me seriously--as a man and as a person. What can I say? I'm my own worst enemy.
In the last few months--hell, all my life! My dad travels a lot!--I've really learned a valuable lesson about love and distance. And it's this: Just because something or someone you love isn't in front of you all the time, it doesn't mean there's any less love, it doesn't make it any less real. It just makes it all that more powerful. It makes it more concentrated, because you realize just how much the someone or something means to you and what they meant to you when they were there to begin with.
I love my friends--every single one of them. I always have. I just never really knew how much they loved me back.
Even for a neurotic cynic like myself, that's a really, really nice surprise.
Royalwood Blues
Look, I'm not a racist person. I'm not.
I know, I know...people who say things like "I'm not racist, but..." usually are the most prejudice of all. But seriously, I have no bone to pick with African Americans or anyone of any race, creed, nationality or religion. Two of my best friends in the world are black.
However, the black family below me seriously needs to drink a nice, steaming cup of SHUT THE EVER LOVING FUCK UP!!!!! Seriously!! No one wants to hear your loud-ass, profanity-laced, n-bomb dropping (there are small children in this building!! HELLOOOO?!?!?!) screaming and drama!!!!
Goddamn it!!!!
Oh, and if you're gonna get into a Jerry Springer-esque fight? Try and keep it limited to one floor only, please!! None of this running upstairs and downstairs bullshit!! This ain't no Agatha Christie novel!!!
It was a peaceful apartment complex, for Chrissakes, yo!!!!
Well, except for the meth heads upstairs. But at least they know how to have a good time without causin' a ruckus!!!
I know, I know...people who say things like "I'm not racist, but..." usually are the most prejudice of all. But seriously, I have no bone to pick with African Americans or anyone of any race, creed, nationality or religion. Two of my best friends in the world are black.
However, the black family below me seriously needs to drink a nice, steaming cup of SHUT THE EVER LOVING FUCK UP!!!!! Seriously!! No one wants to hear your loud-ass, profanity-laced, n-bomb dropping (there are small children in this building!! HELLOOOO?!?!?!) screaming and drama!!!!
Goddamn it!!!!
Oh, and if you're gonna get into a Jerry Springer-esque fight? Try and keep it limited to one floor only, please!! None of this running upstairs and downstairs bullshit!! This ain't no Agatha Christie novel!!!
It was a peaceful apartment complex, for Chrissakes, yo!!!!
Well, except for the meth heads upstairs. But at least they know how to have a good time without causin' a ruckus!!!
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Coming of Age...
"It's complicated."
At least, that's what I have on my Facebook profile.
I've usually never run toward drama like this. Usually, it just kind of follows me around until I either do something drastic or just ignore it to make it go away. But this time, I'm facing it head on.
All my life, I've listened to people tell me what I should and shouldn't do. I've based all my decisions on whether or not people will like me after I do what I do. This situation, as chaotic as it is, is one of the best things to happen in my life, because it truly has made me realize that no matter what people tell you, whether they think something is wrong and immoral or great and romantic, you have to listen to your own heart, your own head and live and die by the decisions you make.
There's someone out there. Someone I've waited my whole life for. I lost her once. And then she found me again. It's a second chance. Not everyone gets one of those. But it's a big fucking mess and, yeah, there are people out there who have told me to do the "right thing" and walk away There are also people who tell me to make my own decisions and be careful.
And ya know? I think I'm finally realizing that, after all this time, I've been forgetting to listen to the one person who counts: Me. At the end of the day, no one can walk in my shoes but me. And it's hard enough to walk in these Nike's on my own without having people push me, to and fro. I guess I just need to do what I'm going to do and let the chips fall where they may. While part of being an adult is being willing to listen to advice from family and friends, there's something to be said for having a mind of your own and making your own decisions.
I've made mine. On my own. I know what I want. I know who I want. And I know what I have to do to get both.
And maybe, in the end, when the dust settles, I'll find that my decision was a mistake. I sincerely hope not, bus as I've said, time and time again, I don't have a crystal ball and I have no idea how this is all going to play out. But at least I'll know that it was my mistake to make and I'll own it. That is something that no one will be able to take away from me.
For the record, however, I don't think it's a mistake. Not by a long shot. I think she's very well worth the rocky emotional terrain I'll encounter on my journey. After all, there is no one on the planet that makes me feel as bright and alive and happy and wonderful as when I'm on the phone with her or talking to her or even just thinking about her.
It is a journey I'm on. And whatever happens, I'll have the blissful, euphoric satisfaction of knowing that I completed it on my own terms.
But I won't lie.
When I arrive at my destination, I hope she's there, waiting for me, at the end. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Nuuuuuuuuuu.
At least, that's what I have on my Facebook profile.
I've usually never run toward drama like this. Usually, it just kind of follows me around until I either do something drastic or just ignore it to make it go away. But this time, I'm facing it head on.
All my life, I've listened to people tell me what I should and shouldn't do. I've based all my decisions on whether or not people will like me after I do what I do. This situation, as chaotic as it is, is one of the best things to happen in my life, because it truly has made me realize that no matter what people tell you, whether they think something is wrong and immoral or great and romantic, you have to listen to your own heart, your own head and live and die by the decisions you make.
There's someone out there. Someone I've waited my whole life for. I lost her once. And then she found me again. It's a second chance. Not everyone gets one of those. But it's a big fucking mess and, yeah, there are people out there who have told me to do the "right thing" and walk away There are also people who tell me to make my own decisions and be careful.
And ya know? I think I'm finally realizing that, after all this time, I've been forgetting to listen to the one person who counts: Me. At the end of the day, no one can walk in my shoes but me. And it's hard enough to walk in these Nike's on my own without having people push me, to and fro. I guess I just need to do what I'm going to do and let the chips fall where they may. While part of being an adult is being willing to listen to advice from family and friends, there's something to be said for having a mind of your own and making your own decisions.
I've made mine. On my own. I know what I want. I know who I want. And I know what I have to do to get both.
And maybe, in the end, when the dust settles, I'll find that my decision was a mistake. I sincerely hope not, bus as I've said, time and time again, I don't have a crystal ball and I have no idea how this is all going to play out. But at least I'll know that it was my mistake to make and I'll own it. That is something that no one will be able to take away from me.
For the record, however, I don't think it's a mistake. Not by a long shot. I think she's very well worth the rocky emotional terrain I'll encounter on my journey. After all, there is no one on the planet that makes me feel as bright and alive and happy and wonderful as when I'm on the phone with her or talking to her or even just thinking about her.
It is a journey I'm on. And whatever happens, I'll have the blissful, euphoric satisfaction of knowing that I completed it on my own terms.
But I won't lie.
When I arrive at my destination, I hope she's there, waiting for me, at the end. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Nuuuuuuuuuu.
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