Blind

You'd think I'd learn.

Let me set the scene in the movie: There's a guy, really paranoid, cautiously walking down the street or in a public area. He looks over his shoulder. Someone is following him, a mysterious figure. Mr. Paranoid starts to quicken his pace, so does the Mystery Man following him. Paranoid starts walking faster and faster, all the while, so does the Mystery Man. Eventually, the Paranoid guy is at a full-fledged sprint while Mysterio follows en suit until, finally, the former trips over his shoelace and falls. He scrambles to get up, but is winded and can only put up his hands as a defensive measure, shouting at and begging the Mystery Man looming over him to not hurt him. The man gets a quizzical look on his face and says something to the measure of "Sir, you forgot your wallet" And THEN....BAM!!!!...some fat, balding, unshaven dude eating a bratwurst appears out of nowhere and drops an envelope on Mr. Paranoid and says the dreaded words, "YOU'VE BEEN SERVED!!"

****

Now, I've never had the immense pleasure of being approached by and handed papers from a process server...BUT I'm of the mind that agreeing to be set up on a blind date by mom and her friend is essentially the same type of experience. I mean, it was really only a matter of time before they found you. And now--D'OH!!--you're stuck having to appear before the court (the blind date) and offer your case to people (again, the date) who have no idea what kind of rambling, neurotic chucklehead you are (that would be me).

And what's worse is that, at the end of the night, you're not just trying to make a good impression (read: case) on your date. Nooooooo!! At the end of the date, you get the awkward, fucked-up Q&A from mom and said friend, asking how it went.

Oh, and G-d help you if you fuck up during the date and say something incredibly stupid (which, let's face it, is pretty much a sure thing when it comes to Yours Truly) or make a bad impression. You'd think that you murdered someone ("WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?!?!" or "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GUYS HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON?!?! YOU'RE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!!" And, of course..."WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!?! I WANT MY GRANDCHILDREN!!" Actually, that last one has never been spoken by my mom. Strange. Think it means anything?).

Well, if you haven't haven't guessed it by now, I'm being set up. I agreed. I could have said "no." But what can I say? I'm a man of adventure (heh).

And, oh yeah, I guess this girl is "painfully shy."

Should be great. (?!)