Dearest Hal,
I don't know how to say this but, as much as it breaks my heart, I'm just going to say it...
I'm leaving you.
I've really enjoyed getting to know you so well, these last 12 years or so. They've been the best years of my life. They've been a real blast, but I feel that, after the events that took place, the other night. I just can't be part of your life anymore. It's just too hard for me to deal with.
You've been despondent, lately; cold. I thought we could get through this bumpy patch, but we just don't communicate the way we used to, we don't mesh. Sure, the sex is good--as good as it's ever been!--but there's nothing behind it. I just feel...used. You can't even look me in the eye! It's like you're afraid I'll blow up, explode at you or something, that you'll go blind.
I know you have needs, but I have needs, too! And you just aren't meeting them. And the truth is, you haven't been meeting them for a while. And it sucks. Because for the longest time, I thought I was the only one that you needed. I was your world. But now, based on your actions, the other night, you no longer need me.
And so, I write this letter saying "goodbye." There was a time when I could weather such a storm. You know this. I know you know it. This has happened before. Three years ago, in fact, when it happened the first time around. And I let it go. I was willing to overlook your...indiscretion. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.
But now? I'm too tired to even try. I can't be around you anymore. It hurts too damn much. You've dug this grave, Hal. You made your bed. And and as much as I love you, I hate you for what you've done.
Fuck you, Hal.
Fuck "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Part 2!"
AND FUCK YOU FOR ENJOYING IT SO DAMN MUCH!!
Love Always,
Your Penis (a.k.a. Shlomo)
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