Save Me

It's so common.

In movies and on TV, you always hear women going on about how they want their knight in shining armor. A man to pick them up and carry them away toward that bright, shiny place in their hearts and minds otherwise known as--you've got it!!--Happily Ever After. In fact, on a fairly recent episode of "Grey's Anatomy," our modern-day icon of feminism (god, I sure as hell hope not!!), Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo), referred to her Dr. McDreamy as a "knight in shining whatever."

But what about guys like me?

I mean, I know, as men, we're supposed to be the hunter/gatherers, displaying only a limited range of emotions and desires (sex, manly sports, sex, eating buffalo wings, sex, etc.), but honestly, I want to find my knight in shining armor, too!!

No, I am neither gay nor did I come out of the closet since my last blog. The meaning behind those words are actually quite simple. That is, I want a woman to save me.

"Save me."

Those are some pretty interesting words to choose, right? Pretty dramatic really. I mean, I'm not in any mortal danger. No one has tied me to a train track a la the "Dudley Do-Right" cartoons. I'm not sick or in need of an organ donor. No, the truth is quite simple really.

I'm no picnic.

Yes, as you may have noticed throughout every single one of my blogs, I am a bag of quirks and idiosyncrasies. I mean, just look to the left of this entry in the "About Me" section. That, right there, pretty much tells you what you're in for before you even read this sucker. But as I've also mentioned, in the past, there really is more to me than those, um, qualities. Deep down, I'm a pretty decent guy who is eager to please and ready and willing to do anything to make someone crack even the faintest of smiles. But ya have to get to know me first. You have to be willing to peel away all of those layers to find that, yeah, there is a man under here who wants to love...and be loved.

But yeah, needless to say, I guess I am what you would call an acquired taste.

Now, it would be selfish of me to just expect some woman to just put up with me, take care of me, constantly boost my low self-esteem. No one should ever expect that in a relationship. That's not a girlfriend. That's a nursemaid, possibly even a shrink. However, what I would really love is for a woman to just look me in the eye, look past all of the aforementioned neuroses and eccentricities and just...see...me. I'd love them to be able to look at me and think to themselves, ah, yes...There it is. I see it now. There is someone with potential in there. He may not have it all together now and, yeah, he's kind of a mess, but ya know what, there's a man inside of him, right here and now, that's worth sticking by and fighting for.

Most of all, though, I want someone who will be happy just being with me. Not the person I may have been at one time. Not the person that I could or will be.

Just. Me.

That's what I want. That's my knight in shining armor: The person who sees me for who I am and is willing to overlook the not-so-desirable personality traits, able to realize that there is a man in there that is worth knowing and loving.

One of my all-time favorite movies is "Sideways." The main character, Miles (beautifully played by the great Paul Giamatti), is this depressed, insecure, cynical oenophile (wine lover) with the lowest self-esteem you could ever imagine. It's the closest a movie has ever gotten to portraying me. Every time I watch it, I think to myself, did Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor write this film with me in mind?! Anyway, there's this woman, Maya (Virginia Madsen), that he's fallen for, over time, but has never had the guts to do anything about. They finally have a moment together about an hour into the movie. She asks him why he likes Pinot Noir so much and he gives a monologue that makes me want to hold myself every single time I hear it. Why? Well, because it is so truly, utterly me:

"Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet."

The monologue itself is brilliant. No denying that. And then something happens that elevates it from just being a scene with two talking heads, but a moment of real, nearly tangible emotion and feeling. While he's talking, the camera closes in on her and you realize, she knows that, deep down, he's talking about himself. And it's then that she falls in love with him. She sees him for the man fucked up yet lovely man that he is. And it is then that she places her hand on top of his. Magical, magical, magical.

I guess that's really what I'm looking for: My own Maya. My Knight in Shining Whatever.

My hero. My champion.