The Mascot

I've always sort of seen myself as the team mascot for all of my friends.

When I think of a mascot, I always picture sort of a goofy caricature that no one really takes seriously, but nevertheless remains the glue that keeps people coming back and rooting for their group, staying loyal.

Well, I've always thought of myself as that guy. In fact, up until very recently, I believed my status was relegated to simply being The Hairy Jewish Guy (Go BRUCE!!!!). And while the latter part is true--I am Jewish and nearly as hairy as an Ewok--I realized in the last day that I was, well, I was something more than that.

Last night, when I told my closest friends that there's a possibility I might be moving across the country, next February, I got a reaction that I never really expected to get: Sadness.

I mean, I'm not tooting my own horn. I don't think anyone is really going to be devastated or anything by my departure, but still...Wow! The reaction I got when I told some of them that I might be leaving? Well, I was really quite touched. Until last night, I never really knew that I had such an impact on my friends' lives here. I kind of always thought I was just someone who came in, made people smile and laugh and that was the end of it; and, as a result, I got the white "FRIEND" label slapped on my breast pocket.

I didn't realize I was so...loved. Maybe that says more about me as a person than it does about my friends. I've always kind of had this well, I don't really take myself very seriously, so why should anyone else? mentality. I use sarcasm and self-deprecation as a defense mechanism. It's not much of a secret. The irony of it all is that one of my biggest fears is that people will never take me seriously--as a man and as a person. What can I say? I'm my own worst enemy.

In the last few months--hell, all my life! My dad travels a lot!--I've really learned a valuable lesson about love and distance. And it's this: Just because something or someone you love isn't in front of you all the time, it doesn't mean there's any less love, it doesn't make it any less real. It just makes it all that more powerful. It makes it more concentrated, because you realize just how much the someone or something means to you and what they meant to you when they were there to begin with.

I love my friends--every single one of them. I always have. I just never really knew how much they loved me back.

Even for a neurotic cynic like myself, that's a really, really nice surprise.